No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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