I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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