Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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