DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
