last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
