my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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