I didn't shave. On purpose
im drinking this country out of the recession.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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