it's like iHOP with fire
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
