i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
