I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
