Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
