no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
