you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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