Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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