Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
