Heybabeimwearingurpanties
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
