There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Randomize
