I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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