Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
