Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
