I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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