I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
