The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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