i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
