Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
