totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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