Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
