awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
