I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
