the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
