I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Screwed.edu
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize