Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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