As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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