Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Drake has all the answers
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
