I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
