If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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