friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
