An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
