so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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