Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
