i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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