Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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