i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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