Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
