That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
