Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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