Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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