So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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