Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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