I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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