Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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