forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
zippers are such a cool invention
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize