Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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