That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
