we have pet lesbian snakes
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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