I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
