Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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