He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
