He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize