So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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