Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
