there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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