Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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