I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
