I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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