The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
