ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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