This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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