I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
