dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
