What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
