Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
