I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
