Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
