I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
