And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize