You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
