it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
