Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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