Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
