Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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