the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
