My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
