even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize