Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
