I'm jealous of your bromance
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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