a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
