Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You can't just leave with hair like that
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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