Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
