He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I need a beard to bite.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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