Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
