so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
